BETRAYAL

At night
After a short sleep into the early hours,
And then awake, or half-awake,
My complacent day-self lost in the dark,
And what I am, I know, and that knowledge
A knife slicing into my soul,
Out pour the words like an incantation –
I want to die, let me die.
I cannot turn then to those whom I call mine,
And only the thought of you
Who are not mine,
Only the thought of you comforts me then
The thought of you,
And one other.